Week Eleven - A Day in The Life -  Stable Weather Pattern, Again

It looks like we may have survived the storm, at least for the time being.

I don’t know what was worse for the past few weeks: losing my job or dealing with Francesca. In fact, I do know: Francesca was much more of a challenge than the loss of my job. One of the reasons for this is that I knew I was going to be laid off. I never told Francesca because this happened shortly after we bought our house and a few months prior to our wedding. She was all involved with preparations and anticipations that I couldn’t tell her that my job was going to disappear in the near future. I did not want to ruin this time for her. It wouldn’t have been fair. She did not suspect anything, mainly because she was so focused on the wedding that she did not notice if there was something unusual going on with me.

I realized I could not keep this is a secret forever, but there never was the right time to bring it up. So I waited and waited until I couldn’t wait any more. My last day of work I texted her and made her belief this was something that happened unexpectedly, out of the blue, and with no forewarning.

Francesca believed me, but wanted to know more. She wanted the details about why, when, how, what for I lost my job, but I did not want to talk about it. I tried to distract her. I wanted her to see I was ok, so she wouldn’t get all bent out of shape and worried about me and our future. Actually, I think I did quite a good job, considering the circumstances and how persistent she can be.

Of course I could see she was worried. She was tense, ill-at-ease around me. When she thought I wouldn’t notice, she would stare at me for long stretches of time, as though trying to figure out something I wasn’t willing to tell her. I also knew about the possibility of working for Phil, this guy I had met at work, who had mentioned to me he was getting ready to lunch a new line of business. I wasn’t worried about not having a job, but I knew Francesca took this as a sign of irresponsibility on my part. She is a lot like her father, even though she does not want to admit it. She needs to have everything regimented and planned well ahead of time.

Because I am more casual and relaxed, they both think I am immature and too blasé. She tries to change me by giving me subliminal messages – and often not so subliminal – about how important it is to be organized and how more productive I would be if I set priorities and goals. I listen to her, but I know we are different individuals and do things differently. Maybe that’s why we are attracted to one another: each sees in the other what is missing in oneself. But if this is the case, why change it? I am ok with the way she is, why can’t be ok with me?

Anyhow, now everything is settled: I’ve got a new job which I will be starting soon and she no longer needs to worry about having enough money to pay the mortgage. Good. The only thing is, this is a temporary job. Phil cannot make any long term commitment now. There are a lot of risks involved. His project may not fly. I am aware of all this, but I don’t have anything else, so this is now as good as it gets. Of course I would never tell Francesca abut this: why does she need to know? She would just worry and drive me crazy. It wouldn’t help the situation. We are doing ok right now and that’s what counts.